


Mirage in the Force - Tattered Fabric

by ReyErso5280



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Healing Sex, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Weekly Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 00:13:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14366757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyErso5280/pseuds/ReyErso5280
Summary: Rey is coming to terms with her trauma from the battle arena with Ben Solo. All her life she has just buried any pain and survived but now she is no longer able to keep control and new feelings of fear and confusion fill her.





	Mirage in the Force - Tattered Fabric

**Author's Note:**

> This is the companion piece to Mirage in the Force - Crackling Fire
> 
> and to get a deeper context of their trauma that is mentioned in these stories, you can find it in this chapter of my longer fan fiction 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/13790784/chapters/31719372

WACK!!! The sparing room echoed as Reys over head attack struck hard against Dy’mas. The Twi’lek moved back slightly bracing on her back foot to keep her balance. Her vibroblade sizzled against Rey’s staff.

Rey moved forward swinging her staff in a swaying motion as the knight continued to counter moving backwards. Without thinking Dy’mas force pushed Rey back, knocking her off her feet.

Shocked Rey felt an anger build in her as she regained her footing. Immediately Dy’mas apologised but all she could hear was the scavenger's battle cry coming towards her.

The door hissed open as Ben walked into the sparing room. He was humming a tune his mother used to sing to him. _He was humming?_   The mighty Kylo Ren. The thought cracked a smile on his face which grew wider as he admired his fierce scavenger attacking one of his knights

Rey was too focused to even feel his presence. Rotating on her back heel she swung a hard upper cut but her form was getting sloppy and wild. Dy’mas easily countered and hit the staff hard causing it to yank Rey’s arms down. Placing both hands in center of her staff Rey gave it a hard twist but the locking mechanism jammed... _again_ just like the arena battle several months ago. Frustrated Rey extended her left leg and gave the cumbersome weapon a solid axe kick “breaking” her staff into two.

Ben heard the dual lightsabers engage and took this moment to walk towards the two warriors. Rey adjusted her grip on the blades, holding them in an inverted position so they were almost touching her forearms. She rested on her back heel in a fighting stance where as Dy’mas yielded. The Twi’lek knight stood at attention pointing the blade straight up and bowed her head.

Ben continued to advance clapping his hands slowly in approval.

“Impressive” he said with a smile. Dy’mas turned her weapon off and rested the end on the floor as she put her right fist over her heart. It was the Knights of Ren sign of respect.

Rey gathered her breath and came out of her battle stance disengaging her lightsabers. Dy’mas left leaving the two Jedi in peace for she had other matters she could attend to.

“So we are using lightsabers in sparing sessions now” Ben joked. He was impressed but also concerned about Rey’s control. He recognised that fiery sprit but sometimes it got the better of her.

“The locking mechanism is still jamming.” Rey said as a sound of frustration and disappointment in her voice. Thoughts of the Execution Arena filled her mind as it was the first time and the last time she engaged her weapon in such a fashion. She felt a pull in her stomach as the memories of the scorching heat from the speeders that dragged them into the deadly space. an inch closer and they would have been burned alive. swallowing hard Rey quickly pushed the images down, forgetting them. It was easier that way to deal with life and it was the way she always lived.

“I really should get that fixed...” she finally clicked the staff back in place and rested it against the ground. Ben’s heart swelled as he took the sight of her in. To him she looked beautiful in her battle state. Hair slightly ruffled, three buns starting to come undone and a sheen of sweat across her body. He had seen her like this as well the night she awoke after being the medical bay, the night they finally made their connection a physical one.

Ben closed the distance between them and slowly placed his hands around her face caressing his lips against hers starting a passionate kiss. He had wanted to do that since the throne room after she saved his life with a saber toss.

Ben’s body started to ache and need Rey. They hadn’t connected that way since their first night. Ben was still coming to terms with his terrifying night terror that nearly killed Rey in the process. Most nights he was to scared to touch her, but today he couldn't wait. 

Rey discarded her staff throwing it to the ground as she freed her hands to place them on Ben’s hips. She returned the kiss feverishly as if she nearly wanted to devour him. Pulling at his tunic she ran her fingers across his lower back, raking her nails against his skin. Her touch against him sent a bolt down his spine as his need started to rise. In one smooth motion he picked her up and carried her across the room finding a wall to brace them against.

Rey hit the wall hard as their passion was taking over. Ben kept his hands under her knees as Rey never broke their kiss. Now she was holding is face in her hands but quickly gripped the back of his head as Bens hands faltered. Rey slipped slightly down the wall causing her heels to slam against it. The metallic noise echoed in the empty room and a sudden panic rose in her chest.

Aware of her feet not touching the ground and what would have excited her in the past now filled Rey with fear and dread. But she didn’t understand what was causing this and why her heart was racing in a state of panic not passion.

Ben could feel her energy shift immediately and stopped his advance. Placing her hands on his chest she didn’t look back at him.

“Can you put me down? I can’t...” An awkward moment fell upon them as neither of them knew what to say or do. Rey prepared for his worst. She wasn’t rejecting him but knew this was a fear of his own. Ben complied immediately at her gentle request slowly guiding her back to the ground. He could tell something was wrong, but for once he didn’t feel it was him. This was something else.

surprised that Ben was calm and not conflicted she went into her usual defence mechanism and pretended that everything was ok. But her act was exposed and for the first time Ben looked at her with concern, like she was a wounded animal.

The thought angered her, she was fine and just being over sensitive. A silly girl that should just be grateful to be alive.

“I’m going to go freshen up” she said breaking the awkward silence. Ben nodded and moved aside so she could walk past. He watched as she walked down the halls of the castle. Mustafar was the last place he ever wanted to bring her to. She deserved sunshine and green meadows. But tensions were rising in the galaxy as first order assassins loyal to Hux, even after his death, were always two steps behind them. Causing their voluntary exile to be a necessary evil. Luckily Rey was used to heat that radiated off the planet, something a lot of his knights complained about.

Rey walked down the large corridor to their bed chambers but she couldn’t shift the ringing in her ears. Each step she took forward seemed to echo at a deafening level. She begged her heart to slow down as she also tried to calm her breathing.

Finally nearly staggering through the door Rey immediately rushed into the fresher unit stripping her clothes in a frantic motion. Hands slipped against the knobs as her eyes were now shut and white specs filled them.

Suddenly the cold water hit and all the air left her body. It was like a giant slap in the face but it was exactly what she needed.

Ben entered their chamber and heard her struggles in the fresher unit. His heart ached as he could tell she was struggling and wanted to rush to her side. But he must be patient and wait for her to open up to him.

Rey wrapped a towel around her and tiptoed out. Her eyes fell on Ben and immediately felt safe. She hadn’t noticed the loose white shirt he wore which she always enjoyed any colour that wasn’t always black. Resting on the edge of the bed Ben took her in as she came closer. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and gently kissed him. Ben tenderly placed his hands on her warm bare shoulders. She felt so soft under his fingers.

“I have something for you” he stammered. A slight grin grew on her face. _What could he have?_ Ben pulled a large cloth package from behind him. It was tied with a string to hold the covers in place. Clearly by him as the knot was more practical than decorative. But Rey loved the intentions behind it. Rey took the package from his hands and sat next to him, reverently removing the covers to reveal a deep blue frock with gold embroidery. Rey’s head snapped up looking at Ben in a mixed state of confusion and joy.

“It was my grandmothers. I found it after we parted ways at my mothers tomb. You and her are almost the same size and build. I thought you would maybe want it” Ben was nervous, _what if she thought it was a silly gift._ On the contrary Rey immediately rose to her feet and extended the dress to see its full length. Words still didn’t come to her.

“Try it on see what you think?” Ben encouraged. Absent mindedly Rey discarded her towel completely forgetting modesty. Ben immediately shot his eyes down to give her privacy. Rey sensed his intent and was moved. He had seen her completely bare before yet even now he still respected her privacy, that her body wasn’t his to do with without her consent. It was another thing that helped her feel completely safe with him.

She threw the dress over her head and adjusted the fabric to mould to her body. It was surprisingly heavy but the details were exquisite.

“You can look now” Ben looked up and her and immediately his breath was taken by the sight of her.

“Beautiful” he said over a whisper, clearly affected by the sight of her. Rey was taken back. He had never vocalised something like that before. "you I mean...not the dress...well that is too..." Ben's ears started to glow red from embarrassment and quickly changed the subject. 

“I was thinking maybe we should go to Endor for a few days. the trees are so tall they seem to never end in the sky and I think you’ll like the furry locals” Rey loved the idea of somewhere new to explore but the dress seemed out of place to go into a forrest

“Would I wear this?” She asked genuinely. Ben let out a slight giggle

“No sorry I see the connection. I was just thinking you could use some fresh air and peace”

Rey smiled back “I’d really like that. Will you zip the back I can’t reach.” Ben rose to meet her and places his hands on the tiny zip. The dress moved tighter around Rey as the neck details started to raise up her chest as it ended with a velvet collar. Ben gave her a gentle kiss on the shoulder as his hand accidentally pulled on the neck detail causing the fabric to pull against Rey.

Suddenly the room left Rey’s eyes and she felt a heavy and cold sensation against her neck. She extended her hands behind her and pushed away from Ben hard.

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently sensing the same fear and confusion that she had earlier in the sparing room. He cursed his clumsy hands.

“It’s nothing...sorry I just startled that’s all” she moved to turn around to see him but the folding fabric pressed against her neck awkwardly again.

Immediately Rey felt a tingle in her lips and her eyes go dark as the room around her seemed to pull away. She grabbed around her neck and felt a cold collar lifting her up against a large metal platform.

“Talk to me” Ben tried to move closer but Rey extended her arm out, signaling for him to stay back. She rested her hands back on her stomach quietly commanding her body to still. 

“I’m fine it will pass...I’m ok...it’s going to be ok..I just need to breathe.” Ben wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince, him or herself.

“Rey listen to me...” but it didn’t help. Rey was now staggering trying to keep her balance muttering curse words to herself. 

“Look at me. Open your eyes Rey and look at me” Ben whispered, slowly tiptoeing to the frantic woman. But that shifted her even deeper into the flashback. Ben had said those exact words to her as Hux had drawn her up by her neck, holding all the weight of her body. Heels frantically banging against the platform as she struggled to breathe and felt her life draining.

All that came rushing back and she couldn’t find her way. All she could see was Ben looking at her across the arena

Something was very wrong and Ben could sense it when searched her mind. Immediately saw where she was. Her eyes were sealed shut and she was frantically pulling at her neck. Overcome with fear she was back on Parnassos where she was certain they would die. Rey saw troopers running her direction as she struggled to breathe.

Back in their chamber Ben moved closer to her extending his hands out trying to catch her arms. Their bodies connected and Rey’s eyes flashed open as she panicked seeing a trooper before her trying to ravage her.

“Stay away from me!” Kicking and screaming Rey found Bens shirt and pulled it from his body. He could no longer wait Ben threw his large arms around her. Rey continued to fight back with all her might as Ben pulled her tightly to his chest holding her in place.

“Come back to me Rey...it’s not real. Sweetheart it’s not real.” He risked being struck as he whispered I her ear. The tender gesture seemed to calm her down as she could now feel his bare chest against hers and begged her heartbeat to steady with his.

Opening her eyes Rey saw white fabric from his shirt. Ben could sense she was back with him and released her slightly. Her eyes met his as Rey tried to find her bearings. Extending his hand Ben caressed the side of her cheek which she quickly nuzzled her face in.

She was back. Rey’s breath settled and took a few steps back taking in the room around her. looking at her hands Rey saw tatters of dark blue and white fabric. Immediately she looked at Ben and saw his shirt had a deep tear and the dress he had just given her was now a tattered mess. Tears started to well on her eyes.  
  
“Ben your grandmother’s dress! I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to” Ben came closer to her again and placed his hands in hers causing the fabric shards to fall to the floor. They locked their fingers together.

“It doesn’t matter, we can fix it. We can lose the neck detail and the dress will be yours.” Rey felt relived but embarrassment and shame started to come over her as she released Ben’s hands.

“you shouldn’t have to deal with this. I have to be the strong for us”

“For us? Rey you're done nothing wrong...”

“Can you help me out of this please?” Rey was trying to ignore his words. Ben pulled his ripped shirt over his head and moved closer. Undoing the zip behind her with one hand he gave Rey his shirt so she could cover herself.

Ben turned his back allowing her to change

“You don’t always have to be the strong one.” He continued.

“I don’t know how...”

“Then let me help you. Don’t shut me out” he turned and faced her again.

“We can’t keep doing this to each other”

“We’ll figure out triggers and come downs” she knew he was right. 

Ben slowly took half a step closer, checking to see if it was to get closer.

"Tell me what you need Rey..." he pressed firmly, it was his way of making her face her own wants and desires. 

"I don't know, I'm scared to close my eyes" 

"Then don't...look at me" his request was surprisingly vulnerable as he moved towards her shirtless. memories rushed back of the first time she saw him like this through their force connection. but this time she didn't want him to cover up, no she wanted more. both their chests started to lightly heave with desire but neither of them had the courage to move any closer. _how did they do it the first time?_

Rey slowly lifted her hand out to him, trying to find the strength to say what she truly desired. "Ben will you..." _why was this so hard?_

taking only one step closer his heart started to pound as Ben gently placed his hand in hers. "Will I what?" 

looking up trying to keep the tears from falling from her eyes. "Will you..." her eyes shot down embarrassed. Ben squeezed her hand slightly encouraging her to finish vocalising her request. Rey cleared her throat and continued. "Touch me..."

Ben took a moment and opened their connection to see what was really in her heart. She was scared but also needed to feel him, to connect to him. Never letting go of her hand, Ben gently pulled her closer.

Closing the distance between them Rey placed her hands on his chest. Caressing his lips tenderly on hers Ben’s kiss was warm and sincere, almost as if he was trying to heal her pain through the Force. the intensity of their kiss grew as slight moans started to escape from their chests. Ben broke their kiss and gently kissed down her neck. Rey seized for a moment, "Stay with me...you're ok" he purred into her ear as his hands stoked the very thin scar around her neck from the shock collar. slowly tracing his fingers down her body Rey eyes followed his movements as Ben started to kneel before her. movements painfully slow as she felt his breath move closer to her waist and centre. Things were moving a lot faster as there was few less layers of clothes on them unlike the last time. 

Ben lightly raked his fingernails behind her strong thighs and immediately felt her body nearly give out. Griping on lose handfuls of his midnight black hair Rey could feel her herself shiver in anticipation. placing his hands on the inside of her thighs, gently signalling to open a bit wider so he could get closer to her intimate core. Panting Rey was already feeling a tingling sensation in her stomach, rising much faster. Maybe because she knew what it meant and she wasn't fighting it off. No this time she welcomed it.

caressing her fingers through his hair she looked down and saw he was looking back waiting for her command. Rey braced her heels firmly on the floor barely able to form a sentence.

"Please.." it was like a song to Ben's ears as he heard his scavenger beg for him, needing him. Resting his strong hands on her hips he moved her wet centre close him. Smelling her, his mouth watered at the idea of tasting her again. No longer able to wait Ben took his tongue and traced the full line of her slick folds. Stars filled Rey’s eyes as an immediate cry escaped from her lips. She was not going to be quiet this time, needing to completely let go and lose herself in him.

Moaning against her, Ben explored every inch of her tasting the sweet liquid as small trickles ran down her legs. Heat was rising in Rey and she quickly threw his shirt off herself allowing the cold air to give her body goosebumps. releasing one hand from his dark hair she moved it up to her breast, caressing and tracing circles around it, allowing rosy nipples to rise. The sight of Rey pleasing herself in tandem with Ben made his need rise faster. removing his fingers from her hips, Ben kept his explorations of her as he undid the fastenings of his trousers. Rey's heart skipped at the sound as a nervous excitement came over her. Ben didn't have time to process what was happening as Rey quickly dropped down to her knees to meet him. Feverishly she kissed him as her hands quickly found him. But immediately a hand found her wrist. 

"Im sorry, I got excited..." Rey cursed herself forgetting that she needed to grab him slowly. Something they discovered was a slight trigger of his. Rey slowed her hands and kissed him again. Her gentle caresses against him made Ben's heart race. Rey brought her hands to his waist, "lay on your back" she whispered in his ear. Ben was liking this confident and dominate side of her. It was still unsure but he sensed her lust for him was growing. Ben awkwardly tried to pull the rest of his trousers down as Rey assisted before she stood up and straddled him. The sight of her from that angle nearly made Ben fall over the edge. Rey knelt down and started to position him to her entrance. Before Ben could even ask if she was ready he felt himself completely sheath inside her, all the way to the base. Both of them let out a cry that felt like it echoed through the entire castle. misjudging gravity and her arousal Rey took him a bit to fast. Ben begged every fibre of his body not to let go. Eyes closed and completely still Ben felt the energy shift within Rey as her body went rigid.

"Shhhh...its ok catch your breath" he said gently sitting up, never breaking their connection, lightly guiding her legs so her heels were now touching the floor. Facing each other Ben slowly pulled her close to him. Rey nuzzled her face into his shoulder finally let out a breath, feeling his fingers caressing her back. but kept her eyes shut. Ben ran his fingers through her hair whispering soothing words into her. Finally getting her heart beat under control Rey leaned back as their gazes finally met. Hers was full of lust, anger and confusion. While his was full of passion, patience and understanding.

"You control everything" his whispered tracing her cheek with his thumb. Rey nodded and finally moved her hips slightly against him. The moment causing them both to cry out in pleasure but Ben kept her gaze. Rey blushed as they never kept eye contact like that before. adjusting her grip on Ben and placed her arms under his shoulders, his hands lightly held her lower back. Patiently waiting for her next thrust. this one was a bit stronger and Rey pulled his head closer as her fingers ran through his hair. Ben gladly took the crook of her neck between his lips kissing her gently as she started to move a bit faster. Finally letting go in the moment holding Ben to her, breathless cries escaped Rey with every rotation. Not knowing what came over her Rey tightened her grip on Ben's hair as she pulled his head back. The motion caused a deep guttural moan toe escape through his clenched teeth. He loved it, he wanted her to take control. Rey made herself look into his intense eyes as she continued to crash herself on top of him. Ben could feel her growing tighter around him, spasms starting to fill her. he too could feel the pressure building in his own body.

Rey pushed on his chest directing him to place his back on the cold floor. She tried to rotate back to their original position but failed. A light whimper escaped his lips at their connection being broken. Ben adjusted his shoulders flat on the floor as Rey leaned back. she held onto his waist as she rocked her hips instinctively harder than before. The sight of her chest heaving and breasts starting to bounce was almost to much for Ben as he took his big hands and rested them on her waist reassuring her to keep going. Head completely thrown back Rey was now feeling sweat start to roll down her shoulders as the heat of their bodies intensified. the throbbing around Ben was almost to much and she could feel the waves of electricity running up her spine. throwing herself forward her right hand found his throat as she started to squeeze.

Rey's eyes shot open immediately gaving him a silent apology and loosened her grip. The moment caught Ben off guard but he could tell it wasn't violent in nature. he felt her internal excitement start to fade and willed his voice to speak 

"Please keep going..." he smiled squeezing his hands around her hips a little tighter encouraging her to own her primal need. Rey felt a a tingling grow stronger as she adjusted her grip on his neck. his eyes never left her as she started her attack on him again. Ben's head started to pound as the air was slowly leaving him. Unable to hold anything back Rey could feel herself growing tighter, body shaking involuntary, words escaping her mouth.

"You feel so good..." she whispered between her staggering breath. Ben didn't know if he should be proud or say something back. she tried not to let the confession embarrass her as she loosed her hand around his throat. letting out a deep cry Rey allowed herself to spasm against him. all the muscles tense in Ben’s body then relaxed but never letting go of her hips. Everything around them feel silent as Rey could no longer hold herself up and fell on his chest. Ben heaved for a deep breath of air causing his head to spin and lips to tingle. Rey lifter her weary head and made their lips connect, kissing and caressed his face gently. Both of them could barely breathe as the sound started to fill the room again. Ben could hear the crashing lava flows outside the castle. a stark contrast of the harsh wasteland outside to the peaceful oasis inside. Ben could feel Rey shivering against him, eyes sealed shut.

"You with me sweetheart?" Tracing his fingers over her hooded eyelids. he knew that word would always find her. Rey shifted her weight so they could both sit up. "I'm here" she whispered. Ben could feel her vulnerable state, embarrassed by her actions and words. He stood and put his arms around her still trembling body and lifted her into their bridal carry to their bed. Gently placing her down, Ben adjusted the pillows and covered Rey with the covers. he knelt down next to the bed and caressed the side of her face. 

"Don't ever be embarrassed by your needs." he said plainly. her eyes focused and a feeling of relief filled her. Ben continued to caress her hair as he gave a gentle smile. he started to rise when he heard a whimper escape from her as she quickly gabbed his hand. "Please don't leave me..." his heart swelled it felt like a dual request, one for the moment and one for their life together and all he could say was "Never" 

immediately Rey's grip loosed as exhaustion was taking over from their night together. Grabbing some lose fitting trousers Ben covered himself and joined her in bed. instinctively Rey found a position resting her head on his shoulder, hand gently resting on his chest. Taking her tiny fingers in his hand he lightly caressed each one. Bringing his lips to kiss the top of her head, smelling her hair. "please stay with me" he gently begged feeling a moment of uncertainly. barely waking from her gentle snoring Rey gripped him tighter around the waist pulling him closer to him. "always"

 

**Author's Note:**

> I actually did not originally set out or plan to add some smut into this story, but it just seemed to naturally go in that direction and so I just went with it.


End file.
